Wait, did I just write a book?

Wait, did I just write a book?

November of 2015 – one year ago… “Yeah this is my sister, Alyssa. She’s writing a book.” I coughed as my coffee practically sputtered through my nose. Just one swift kick under the table should shut her up. My sister, Amanda Johnson, just looked at me and smiled. I oozed with frustration for the next few days as I was reminded every time she introduced me to someone at Camp Good Life Project that I hadn’t taken even one step toward that dream. You see, for years, I had this vision to share my story with the world in hopes of inspiring healing in other young teens and adults who are suffering, in hopes of giving a voice to those who feel lost.

Yet, every time I sat down to write, it was as if my pen woke my inner pessimist, “Who do you think you are trying to write a book? What expertise do you have? You’re only 20. You don’t know anything. Your story is no better than anyone else’s. Your poems sound like journal entries. Give up already. There’s no point. No one will listen. No one will care.”

I was in my second year of college and for the first time since high school, I felt my world start to crumble around me again. I was in the midst of witnessing my dad’s health declining rapidly, my sister losing her unborn child, and my pastors and mentors being exposed for their hypocrisy. I was also taking a couple religion courses that were threatening the foundation of everything I knew, an astronomy class that was blowing my mind from an entirely different angle, and a psychology statistics course that was teaching me how little humankind actually knows and can actually know. On top of all of that, I found myself completely unable to connect anymore – again. My old modalities of facilitating connection were simply failing. My faith was collapsing and for some reason, I was drawn back to my poetry (those pathetic journal entries) – the words that I had vomited on the pages of several different journals in dark corners to save myself from myself so many years ago.

As I reviewed and relived that 8-year journey with a heavy heart and soaked pillow, I noticed the cycle. I remembered how connected I had felt when I was younger, how invincible I knew I was in that Love. Then, I realized that after I lost sight of Him, every wrong turn, every bump in the road, and every head-on collision was my journey of trying to find Him again. That 8-year journey through Junior High and High School is the most vivid demonstration of the cycle we participate in, trying to find Love again through all His many vessels.

“Okay Sis, I’m going to do it. I am going to compile all my poetry, intertwine a narrative to enhance the theme, design the cover and interior, run a bestseller campaign, and publish this time next year.”

Every nerve in my being shuttered with fear.

We are now two weeks from launching my first book CHOSEN for Amazon Best Seller and I can honestly say the three biggest lessons that I have learned over this process are…
1. Your story matters!
2. The world NEEDS to hear it and you NEED to share it!
3. It is so incredibly possible!

No matter how dark, how easy, how hard, how short, how long, how impossible your journey back to LOVE has been, it matters.

YOU MATTER.